Forays into Heterosexualism I

Even though I was in weekly sessions with my psychiatrist who was constantly telling me that I could live a happy life as a gay man, I did give heterosexuality a try a couple of times.

For almost 6 months, I had a girl friend in high school. Eileen, who had moved to Oregon with her mother from New York, was a rather aggressive, but fun-loving girl who happened to have a car. I don't remember exactly how we met or why we started to hang around together but I do remember that I loved that car. I didn't drive. I had taken the test to get my learner's permit a number of times, in fact, but for some reason, I'd never bothered to actually get my license.

So Eileen and I kind of became a "thing." We'd hang out together after school with her best girl friend, whose name escapes me. I thought we were just friends. Frankly, it never entered my mind that she had the hots for me. I certainly never entertained any ideas of going to bed with her. But Eileen had other ideas.

We would often go over to Eileen's house and watch TV with whats-her-name and her boyfriend. Eileen's mother worked late so we almost always had the house to ourselves. One spring day, I, Eileen, and whats-her-name with her ever-present boyfriend were in the basement talking when Eileen's friend and her bf started making out quite heavily. They eventually went into the next room for some privacy. Eileen, who had been sitting with me on the couch all of a sudden got quite snuggly. It was quite obvious that she had arranged this whole show and was attempting to finally get some from me.

I was suddenly horrified to find myself in a situation that I had been unconsciously avoiding for years; sitting next to a horny, 17 year old, aggressive, high school GIRL, who was intent on deflowering her timid boyfriend. The only thing I could do was run for it! I fled upstairs to the safety of the back door stoop and some cool air.

I was absolutely dizzy with embarrassment and ready to flee, but unfortunately, was stuck there until Eileen was ready to take me home (now I hated that damn car!) I just knew that this was not going to end well. But, Eileen, being a blase, east coast sophisticate, turned to me, looked me in the eyes and declared, "It would have been a lot easier if you'd just told me you preferred boys!"

The irony of coming out to a girl that I hardly knew wasn't lost on me, but frankly, it was a lot easier than I had imagined. But I was lucky that Eileen was from New York. We talked quite awhile that day and it turned out she had known a lot of gay boys in New York and was cool with it. My only real concern at that point was whether she would tell everyone she knew at school. She turned out to be a true friend and kept it to herself.

Having a gay boy friend, though, was not in Eileen's plan. Understandably, we didn't see much of one another after that incident. She was intent on having someone take her to the senior prom, and I was no longer a viable candidate.

My only other brush with heterosex was with Vicki Childers, a friend of my sister Debbie. Vicki had been living with my family for a few months around my junior year in high school. She was an odd girl to say the least but always seemed to have the best looking boy friends.

One day I found myself in the back seat of a car with Vicki and one of her cuter boy friends. For some inexplicable reason, she decided she wanted to kiss both of us. Well, the idea didn't exactly appeal to me; Vicki wasn't exactly my type. However, the idea that she was kissing her boyfriend really turned me on, so I agreed. Every time she kissed him, all I could do was hold my breath wishing it were me with my tongue down his throat. But, perverse as it was, the idea that Vicki was sharing his saliva with me by kissing me after kissing him, was a real turn on.

We had only exchanged kisses a couple of times before she finally called a halt to it and bluntly told me that I was a terrible kisser.

Well, excuse me, bitch! I hated the way her mouth tasted; she kissed like a girl and she was way too aggressive for me. Besides. I wanted to kiss the boyfriend not her.

Much later in life, when I was working for the phone company, I did get so drunk on Mad Dog 20/20 that I ended up in bed with a female co-worker. But, both she and I knew as soon as we started to undress that it was a major mistake. I'm grateful to this day that she chose to "fall asleep" before I ever hit the covers. We didn't even kiss, but the next morning we had a good laugh. I was out to most of my friends back then but let me tell you, when we both showed up the next day at work in the same clothes that we had worn at the party, the gossip was hot and heavy. It didn't hurt my reputation with the women in my office at all. My gay friends were, however, afraid that an intervention might have been necessary until I told them the whole story. Sighs of relief all around!