Stereotyping

Over the last couple of days, I’ve been giving career advice to my one and only nephew. The prodigy of my sister and her first husband (who is currently in a long-term relationship with a man named Steven), the Nephew is a nice guy (29 years old) who has never had a girlfriend, never talks about dating, only has boy guy friends, lived with his father or mother off and on until last year, and has never held a full-time job for more than 3 months in his entire adult life. Is he gay? I don’t know but suspect that yes, he probably is. Am I stereotyping him? Yes. Is it fair? Probably not. Do I care? Not really.

Stereotypes exist because they are a convenient way to shortcut the often long and tedious process of identifying the reality of someone's personality. It’s a lazy, simple way of sizing up people. Some people say that it's a demeaning and destructive way to categorize people and intellectually, I agree that at times that may be true. But not always. I don't stereotype people in order to justify discriminatory behavior (on my part or on others). Stereotypes can express accepted and benign group characterizations that mirror a given social group's reality.

Would I accept being stereotyped as being gay by others? It depends on who's making the comments and why. Gay men and lesbians use "gaydar" to identify prospective boyfriends or girlfriends all the time. Let's face it gaydar is nothing but our community's own form of stereotyping. But let's look at my background and decide whether I fit any "gay" stereotypes.

I have never been athletic; in fact to this day I "throw like a girl" (talk about stereotypes!);
I use superlatives like "fabulous" and "brilliant" to describe anything beautiful or fun;
I can name at least 12 different way to describe the color "red";
I liked to play with dolls when I was a boy (I DIDN'T play with dolls but I WANTED to);
My very first job was as a page in a library;
My second job was as a directory assistance operator with the telephone company;
I had female friends throughout grade school and high school but never had a "GIRL" friend;
I have a fetish for nuns...

Well you get the picture. I'm pretty sure that when my mother first met my future psychiatrist, she used a lot of those descriptors without ever venturing to utter the word "h o m o s e x u a l". See, stereotyping can make awkward situations so much more comfortable.

OK, I could definitely be stereotyped as queer. Am I insulted? No. It's true. If my friend Jeff had the nerve to stereotype me as a "Queen", I'd laugh and probably cry foul but if the tiara fits, it fits! Now if Senator Rick Santorum stereotyped me as a pedophile just because I'm gay, I'd sue the son of a bitch! See, it depends on who does the stereotyping and WHY!!

So, to my Nephew, yes, I'm stereotyping you, but I don't think it's an insult. If you're not gay, no harm done as far as I'm concerned. If you are, then know that your gay Uncle is here to support you with all his heart and soul.